The Story So far

It has been and interesting year and a challenging one to say the least in the past year i have been on a emotional and physiological roller coaster. About 9 months ago I was diagnosed with End Stage Renal Failure... Big words i know. This just meant my kidneys don't work very well anymore... to be honest the reality of the situation was and still is kinda of hard to swallow but now dialysis is part and parcel of my daily life.

Want to know how my kidney's came to fail? if you do listen up. To be honest it was my own negligence of my own health. I was negligent in taking care of my hypertension (another big word for high blood pressure) so because of my hypertension being too high my kidneys gave way... they tend to do that if your blood pressure is not controlled...so for people out there suffering from hypertension be careful see your doctor often... don't be like me...

The was diagnosed was funny as well. I was having dinner at a restaurant and I was not feeling too good. I was tired and had a persistent ache in my abdomen area. To be honest I had been feeling tired for months (persistent exhaustion is one of the signs of kidney failure). At dinner i didn't have much to eat and my aunt who was visiting remarked that i look remarkably pale and anemic (anemia is another signs of kidney failure). We thought we have to get it checked and went to see a doctor. I was diagnosed to be suffering from appendicitis and was admitted. Then upon further inspection (blood test) it was discovered my Creatinine was 1400++ and thus explained all the malady's that I was suffering.

This whole situation happen to a point in my life which was interesting too... My wife and I just bought a house and baby Eva had just turned 1 we were all looking forward to the future and what it might bring. then suddenly this big bomb was dropped... and it hit home and it hit home hard. i know Mum and Kah Peng cried alot but they never showed it in front of me... they always tried to keep a brave face but you could see it they were hurting. I cried too first time in my life i was really unsure what the future held... thoughts like "would i make it?", "what i am i going to do?" all this scared and for the first time in my life i think i cried uncontrollably for 2 nights... i was in the HDU (High Dependency Unit) and at night it is a lonely place... You were left with only your thoughts... and i have to admit i was scared s***less (pardon my language). Everything was happening so fast... we had so much to deal with suddenly... At this juncture I have to really thank everyone who has visited and sent stuff and wishes. I have to really thank my family friend Aunty Sharon that spent so much time to explain and really put some of my fears to rest. I would like to thank all my uncles, aunts and cousins who have offered help in one way or another.. I can never repay all of your kindness. The 2 people who have supported me the most has been my mother and my wife they have supported me financially and emotionally. They are my heroes and I would have never coped if not for them..

You know the main thing i learnt from this the sooner i stop asking "Why Me?" and change to question to "What can I do?" it put the power back in my hands and one starts to feel a sense of control again. Thus began my adventures in dialysis. You know the saying behind every cloud there is a silver lining I believe this is true. Life is about perception i started dialysis still feeling sad and depressed that i had to sit through 4 hours of treatment but now it is not so much a chore but an opportunity to meet new friends (we dialysis patients even have a whatsapp group) and nurses (ha ha ha please no dirty fetishes here). The nurses and patients have become fast friends (some are on my Facebook) and dialysis seems to be pass faster. We really felt the pinch financially and my salary and mum's salary really went into paying for my treatment and it even made us abandon many plans of holidays and also made us contemplate selling the house my wife and I purchased. Recently my Socso subsidy application was approved and now the future seems brighter. The finacial burden has lifted somewhat and it seems things are falling into place. For now we can once again dream... the future does not look too bleak...

Sorry for the long post.. if anyone has any questions feel free to ask me...